When I was in seminary, there always seemed to be plenty to read and write. There were chapters of the Bible to cover for class, language flashcards to peruse, theology books to plow through and a never-ending stream of pages to pound out on a variety of topics. I do not know why I thought that internship would bring a break from this. While I am doing different reading and writing, it always seems like there is so much of it to do. In considering this situation, I came up with the 3 Ws of internship (or pastoral ministry in general).

First, one waits. I feel like I am constantly waiting. Waiting to have a moment to mull over a new idea. Waiting to get to work and see what’s waiting there for me. The ultimate wait is for the Spirit to move. I always feel like I am waiting for a BIG sign to tell me: “Here’s what to write. Here’s what to say. Here’s how this sermon/newsletter/card should read.” Yet the clock can tick down to the wire and I’m still waiting.

My second “w” is willing. I had a writing teacher once who told my class, “Everybody thinks if they have the perfect desk, the perfect setting, the perfect cup of tea… that the writing will just happen. Words will flow. It doesn’t work that way. Writing is work.” It certainly is. You have to be willing to sit down and push through your ideas. I have to be willing to write things down and then throw them away or store them for another writing project. One has to be willing to stare at the blank page, whether in a notebook or on a screen, and force one’s self to put words down. It is not easy, but if your job involves writing, you must be willing to accept the amount of work involved.

The third “w” is writing. When I’ve waited long enough (or too long) and have made myself willing to sit down and try, then the writing begins. The started and stopped sentences. Fingers poised over keys. Finally, the tingle of realization that your idea has begun to crystallize. I can’t type quickly enough to put the thoughts down. You pause to change a word choice. Consider an image. Suddenly, I find myself trying to write a conclusion: memorable and affirmative. There is still editing to be done; last minute revisions are almost guaranteed. What needs to be written has been written. There is a sense of release. In addition, there is almost a feeling of over-exposure: someone will read this and have their own opinion. You may hear that opinion or you won’t. There’s no telling how it might affect. But you have written what you needed to write.

I find myself stacked up with writing that needs to be accomplished: forms for school, essays, learning goals, lesson plans, blog entries, cards, newsletter pieces and sermons. There is not always time to think about these three “w”s, but I believe I cycle through them each time. There is more writing involved with this position than I thought there would be. It’s pleasurable, though, because I have clear people in mind to whom I am writing: the people of God at Gloria Dei.

When I was a little girl, I loved to read stories out of the Bible. I know that sounds funny, but I did. I progressed beyond my Bible story book and would read things out of my little New King James that my parents gave me when I was four. Among my favorite stories to read was the story of Esther (found just before Job).
I loved the story of the brave girl who was brought before the King Xerxes (or Ahasuerus) and was chosen to be the queen. Her cousin Mordecai told her of a plot by the king’s right hand man to kill all the Jews, which would include Mordecai and even Esther herself. Esther gathered all her courage and went before the king to tell him about the plot. The story ends up with a happy ending for the Jewish people (celebrated in the springtime holiday of Purim), but the end is unhappy for Haman (the right-hand man) and his compatriots because they are all killed in a very shocking ending to the story.
I was thinking of a verse from Esther today. When Mordecai tells her of the plot to kill the Jews, she reminds him of the danger in going before the king. Mordecai tells her, “Don’t think that just because you live in the king’s house that you’re the one Jew who will get out of this alive. If you persist in staying silent at a time like this, help and deliverance will arrive for the Jews from someplace else, but you and your family will be wiped out. Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for such a time as this.”
I do not believe that everything that happens is in God’s plan for us. I believe sometimes our choices and the choices of other people influence our lives in ways we did not and could not expect. Yet I do believe God is with us in triumphs and in perils and has given us many gifts to use in varieties of situations.
Esther was kidnapped from her family and put into a harem to be perused by the king. She was chosen to be queen, which probably put her in a place where it was dangerous to acknowledge her faith practices (dietary regulations, prayers, etc). However, in a time of dire need, she was able to use her courage, her gift of rhetoric and her beauty to save her people.
Sometimes in the face of adversity, tragedy or even celebration, it can be difficult to know what to do or how to help. We have to work to trust God to guide us. When we think of our time and talents as God-given, it makes it hard not to use them toward the needs of the world in such a time as this.

Yesterday was the feast day for the Apostle James. James, and his brother John, abandoned their father’s fishing boat and went with Jesus to fish for men. These sons of Zebedee are also referred to as the “Sons of Thunder”. They had a tendency to speak before they thought and seemed to continually miss the point of Jesus’ ministry. They wanted to sit next to Christ on the throne, they were present at the Transfiguration and were there throughout the Passion week events.

James is considered the first martyr of the early Church. He was executed by Herod Agrippa I about 15 years after Jesus died.

References to James are found in:
Matthew 10:2, 17:1-13
Mark 1:16-20, 3:17, 10:35-41, 14:32-42
Luke 5:1-10; 6:14, 8:51, 9:28, 54
Acts 1:13, 12:2

James is a role model for us because he reminds us that Christ’s work and love is never about the “end” or what glory we can have for ourselves. The saving work of Christ in us spurs us to love our neighbors in the world. Like most of the disciples, James did not always understand what Christ was talking about or doing. Following the resurrection, however, he could not be stopped from spreading the gospel.

Through our baptisms we die to sin and are raised to new life in Christ. Daily we are to remember this action, done to us, for us and through us and ask the Holy Spirit to move us, like James, in action for the good of God’s beloved creation.

My favorite children’s book is Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are. If you are not familiar with the tale, it’s about a little boy whose mother sends him to his room one evening. His imagination runs away with him and he ends up in the land of the wild things. Once he convinces the wild things of his powers, they make him king. Though he loves it, he misses home and he wants to be where someone loves him best of all. So he ends up back in his own room. “There he finds his dinner waiting for him. And it was still hot.”

I always think this is a very grace-filled ending. Ultimately, we all want to be where we are loved best of all. The location of that love is always and only within the heart of God. We can feel that in our life experiences that create that sharp gasp of surprise at the awesomeness of the moment. No matter how far we wander or what we think we deserve, God is always with us. And God’s grace, when we are able to recognize it, is always hot.

Many people were surprised, or maybe not, last week when Pope Benedict XVI declared that non-Roman Catholic Churches are outside the true faith. This affirmation of older, more traditional RCC teaching has not been reaffirmed in church-wide commentary really since Vatican II in the 1960s. In addition, many church bodies, including the Lutheran World Federation, had felt progress was being made in ecumenical relationships with Rome.

The document is an attempt to clarify some matters of RCC faith that may have seemed murky to some for the past forty years.

Some highlights include:

Why do the texts of the Council and those of the Magisterium since the Council not use the title of “Church” with regard to those Christian Communities born out of the Reformation of the sixteenth century?

Response: According to Catholic doctrine, these Communities do not enjoy apostolic succession in the sacrament of Orders, and are, therefore, deprived of a constitutive element of the Church. These ecclesial Communities which, specifically because of the absence of the sacramental priesthood, have not preserved the genuine and integral substance of the Eucharistic Mystery cannot, according to Catholic doctrine, be called “Churches” in the proper sense.

Why was the expression “subsists in” adopted instead of the simple word “is“?

Response: The use of this expression, which indicates the full identity of the Church of Christ with the Catholic Church, does not change the doctrine on the Church. Rather, it comes from and brings out more clearly the fact that there are “numerous elements of sanctification and of truth” which are found outside her structure, but which “as gifts properly belonging to the Church of Christ, impel towards Catholic Unity”.

“It follows that these separated churches and Communities, though we believe they suffer from defects, are deprived neither of significance nor importance in the mystery of salvation. In fact the Spirit of Christ has not refrained from using them as instruments of salvation, whose value derives from that fullness of grace and of truth which has been entrusted to the Catholic Church”.

In very technical language, the document basically explains the Roman Catholic Church understands itself to be the closest and truest expression, on Earth, to what Christ intended for the church.

You can read ELCA Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson’s response here.

I believe the reiteration of Roman Catholic beliefs in this manner is saddening, given the state of the world today. When divisions in the church are emphasized, the ultimate price is paid by the Gospel message we are supposed to spread. What kind of story can we tell about Amazing Grace when we cannot yield it to one another in fellowship in Christ. Though the Vatican document acknowledges the work of Christ in other Christian communities, it implies that such communities are ultimately in great error because of their continuation in separation from the Church at Rome.

As a person who has spent much time answering questions by non-Christians about the Christian church and faith, it is difficult and sometimes frustrating to spend much of a conversation answering questions about the differences between denominations rather than talking about Christ’s action in the world.

Speaking of, that may be the most difficult part of the document to swallow. The Eucharist is a mystery! We do not know how what happens happens, but Christ has promised his presence in that meal and when he throws a party, he always shows up! We should rejoice in the expansive opportunities the gift of faith allows us in encountering Christ, rather than wonder if we are really in a church where such events occur.

By the way, when we say the Apostle’s Creed we state, “I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints…” This doesn’t mean we’re sneaking a heretical belief into the Lutheran service every Sunday or secretly we wish we were back in Rome. It’s actually a blatant statement of our belief in the universal nature of Christ’s Church and work in the world. Little “c” catholic means universal. Big “C” Catholic refers to the church in Rome. All three Creeds are ancient ecumenical creeds, embracing the teaching of the apostles and early Church fathers (and mothers!) about the Trinity, the Church and the World. Ironically, when we say that creed, we join our voices with all those saints each Sunday who say the same words …all those people believing in Christ- the one True Head of the Church.

It’s the middle of my second week of internship. The first week was a little disjointed (no pun intended) due to my broken thumb and the Independence Day holiday. My first Sunday went well and I felt very welcomed into the Gloria Dei family. The second week is busier, but that’s good because it helps me feel more settled in and attached to the church.

I have started this blog as a way to make public some of my feelings and experiences along this journey and to share with you some of my meditations. I may not be able to post daily, but I will generally try to share a poem, hymn, inspirational writing or Scripture verse that I have been contemplating.

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name

(Chorus) On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

This hymn has become very significant to me in the past year. The explanation of the First Commandment (“You shall have no other gods.”) in the Small Catechism says, “We are to fear, love and trust God above all things.” This means love of God should be first in our hearts.

This is very difficult and, happily, God knows we are not really always able to live up to that standard and we are forgiven. Knowing that, we remember that God always loves us first. That notion should make us feel joyous, not guilty.

There are times, though, when the events of life are so overwhelming, nothing can be brought to mind except our feelings about the immediate circumstances. In those times, God’s love comes to us in ways we might not be able to see at the time, but we will recognize later.

Christ’s love for us is the rock we can cling to in the sinking sand. It comes to us with hope in our sacraments and in our daily lives.

In these first few weeks, the hospitality of Gloria Dei has been a solid rock for me, showing the love of Christ in this place.